3rd draft changes

So going over my second draft and there are some things I need to address. One of the biggest issues is that After Braden first comes to the circus, Victor allows him to return to Jerome. It's what needs to happen plotwise but it just doesnt feel right how I currently have it happen. This is basically what triggers the transition into act 2, when Braden comes home after school and discovers it in ruins. The other plot mechanic/logic problem I am having is that once Victor attacks and drives out Jerome, he currently doesn't leave anyone behind to collect Braden. I need to write in someone being there and maybe scaring Braden off accidentally. The other points in my script that I think need to be stronger are the relationships between the characters. It is now written in that Victor was one of Jerome's former students, but the is currently no connection for why Braden is being raised by his grandfather or what happened to Braden's Parents. When I wrote the first draft I had it that Braden and Jerome were not related and that Jerome had seized Braden as a child and killed his parents. But as the script evolved it has turned into that Jerome IS Braden's actual grandfather, just not through Merlin's line so he cannot use the Key himself. I am plotting out how to write into possibly Braden's parents and Victor both being Jerome's students, and when learning of his true intent rebelled. Braden's Parents are killed in the fight, but Victor survives, and Jerome also gets Braden. I am not sure how I will present this information. I am toying around with ideas such as flashbacks and the like, but nothing has really stuck out as a good way to interject this information into the story.

Better late than never

Finished with my new draft of my screenwriting workshop script at last. It's taken a lot of late nights and an obnoxiously large investment in coffee, but the new draft is complete. It was delayed a lot by my senior thesis film shoot and the various crises that were involved with that, so I did not meet the deadline unfortunately. For this new draft I tried to incorporate a lot of the suggestions Prof. Bronte gave to me, which ended up in a lot of re-arranging and re-imagining of the first and second acts. In the first draft I had a huge problem in my second act where the main Character loses a lot of momentum in the search for his grandfather as he gets involved in the circus, and I needed to help him keep that search alive. To solve that I wrote in how in the first act, when he discovers his grandfather is missing, he take several of his grandfather's spellbooks with him, which he then studies on his own. In these books he discovers notes his grandfather wrote about the remenants of Magic in NYC. These lead him to Lady Agatha, a fortune teller (what is a magic movie without a fortune teller :) ), who attempts to kill him when she does a reading on Braden and discovers he is going to unleash merlin's shade. It's a fun scene and really helps keep up Braden's motivations for his search for his grandfather. Other suggestions I incorporated were taking out Braden's parents. I still have the succubis and incubus as part of the script, but they are now in the form of a pair of mangy cats that Jerome keeps. Also Victor, the head of the circus, was actually Jerome's former student. I still feel I need to place more emphasis on this relationship in the next draft. I also need to place more emphasis on Braden's physical development when he is with the circus and free of the influence of the succubus and incubus (for example there is no scene where he clearly no longer needs his inhaler).

For this draft, and the next draft, I have had to adjust my writing process and get more people involved. I was finding myself facing a lot of blocks where I knew i had to change a scene, but couldn't figure out what else to write that would be better than what was already on the page. That or I had trouble thinking of alternate scenarios to show what a scene of exposition got a across. I have basically started to show my script to more people and get feedback. When I am actually writing it I am now often over at friend's houses more than coffee shops, just hanging out in case I get to part I am having trouble with and can just call them over for a quick brainstorm. I have several screenwriting friends/friends who love fantasy who I will be showing this current draft to in order to get their opinions and suggestions. It has taken a long time, but the script has come a long way from the first draft and is starting to turn into something that can one day possibly be a real movie.

playing catchup

Unfortunately I did the one thing in this class I promised myself I would not do, miss a deadline. With the madness that was senior project, for the last several weeks I have been working many long days (average 3-4 hours of sleep a night) getting everything ready for the shoot and let my other classwork fall behind, and am now playing catch-up. It was not the smartest thing to do, but overall it was most important for me to have a senior project and be able to graduate on time (i am graduating this term). I want to finish this script though and make it as good as it can be. I love the characters and the world that has been created for them and want to continue exploring it, so it's now off to the coffee shop for a writing and coffee binge to get back on track.